Every story has a beginning, high point, low point and end. Even if we find ourselves in different chapters of our lives. We all expect the change coming and uncertainty is always guaranteed. Things are going quite quickly in life and trying to process it all before it all comes to an end, or at least appreciate it. The end of a journey is near, and questioning if I am ready. Didn’t think this day would come, or to be fair, tried to ignore it quite a bit. But the moment is nearing and there is a nervous rumble in my stomach that I really can’t explain.
So, if I haven’t peaked your interest enough, what I am referring to is the end of my studies. Not too long ago I started what should be my final internship. Nothing in life is promised, so not counting my chickens before my eggs hatch. But regardless I have hope, that this will be my final internship. So, my journey to the Netherlands has come full circle. 10 Years and 10 months if we are being specific. I know that seems like a lot, but in the 10 year and 10-month adventure, I’ve hopefully managed to get my third diploma since landing here in the Netherlands. It took a bit of finding my way but eventually found my path and haven’t looked back since.
But the day I started my internship it all sort of dawned on me that, my journey as a full-time student is coming to an end. In fact, in a way it has already come to an end. I no longer need to attend classes. My class mates are now acquaintances I don’t irregularly meet on a daily basis. Lecturers? What are those again? With the exception of writing a thesis, the pains and benefits of being a student is now a thing of the past.
While I reminisce about my past, the scary thought of a future has sunk in a bit. The question of, “where do I go now from here?” is slowly creeping up on me and slowly becoming this reality I soon must face. I will be honest, was never the ambitious child who had a clear idea of what he wanted to become. At age 3 being a garbage man seemed like my dream job, because he had a cool truck and saw him once or twice a week. Now, with many career paths to my disposal. As tempting as being a garbage man seemed back then, a student debt and actual specific of study, wouldn’t be the smartest career choice right now. Could have saved me the debt, stress, breakdown and lingering friendships and been a garbage man long ago. No disrespect to the garbage man, you were once my idols.
But have depts to pay, have a future to build and that future remains a scary thought. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. Who is nearing their academic career and facing an unsure reality. People wonder why I (very) irregularly blog. I feel this is sort of the reason why. We are sometimes so shameful of our uncertain reality that we sometimes forget that somewhere in this world of billions of people we are not alone when it comes to our circumstances. So many of us face uncertainty, but often travel that road alone, thus making the load much heavier to carry. This shouldn’t be the case.
But in a way, it is the way we were brought up. Where others shouldn’t be aware of our problems, others shouldn't have their nose in our business. As an effect, we end up wandering quite a lonely road carrying all our pain, worries and troubles that life has been tossing our way. I have tried my best to break that mold, my unfiltered demeanour has helped in that sense. I share, I over share and with that my conscious is cleared and I am relieved of some of my worries and fears. We all have our skeletons in our closet and that is perfectly fine. Some journeys are meant to be traveled alone, while some battles it is nice to have a foundation or resources and people who you can go to. I guess this is why I’m doing this, just in case you have a similar fear. Not knowing what comes after your studies, that fear, perfectly normal, I promise. Well, I’m pretty sure it’s normal. I mean, I have it too, I guess that should provide you some comfort.
On the other hand. It is a foreign feeling, not knowing what is next. I wake up daily, commute to my internship, go through my day, commute back home and continue this cycle for 5 days a week. While at the back of my mind, I wonder, I think, I question, what am I going to do once this is all over. Should they want me to stay, would I accept the offer? Or is this just not for me, but what else is there? It’s a scary idea. These are not necessarily questions that have good or bad answers.
At the same time, I’m not trying to let the questionable unknown take over my life. I’m enjoying my internship, I’m getting my assignments done, irregularly do fun activities with people close to me. Ignorance is bliss they say, and I’m slowly trying to prove that theory right.