Updated: Feb 1
Valentine’s day has come and gone and as the perpetually single friend, you’d think I’d be jealous of all those happy couples around me. Especially if you consider how the media tells us that being in a relationship is like finding your missing piece. We are basically told that all we need to be happy is a relationship. While I’m a believer in the joy and all the amazing things that a relationship brings, I also believe that you need to be in the right headspace before embarking in new a relationship. This is easier said than done when we are looking around us and see everyone happily coupled you start wondering what’s wrong with you that you can’t have that, or you end up going from relationship to relationship looking for your match. You’ll receive no judgement from me there, I’ve had my moments of feeling like everyone is happy except for me but the fact of the matter is that I am in no ready for a relationship. Here’s how I know I’m not ready for a relationship, and why you might not be ready either.
1. Emotional wall
To be in a relationship you need to be ready to be open and vulnerable. When you are emotionally unavailable you are very likely to unintentionally seek someone, who is also emotionally unavailable. This relationship is then predestined to fail. See in a healthy relationship you need to be able to count on one another always. But if you are constantly protecting yourself emotionally, you are not letting your partner and he/she will in turn never be able to fully understand what it is you need from them emotionally. And basically, this an issue for me I have a tough time opening up to people unless I know that they’ll be permanent fixtures in my life, which they’ll obviously never be if I can’t open up.
2. You’re never wrong
If you find that you can’t admit to having made a mistake or apologize, here’s a newsflash you have a lot to learn. We are never always right, and you can’t always blame the other party for everything. If when looking back at past relationships you can only pinpoint what your partners flaws were but not your own, you need to learn to swallow your pride. If you can’t admit to your mistakes and accept your flaws, no relationship you start will ever last anyway. While in retrospect I can tell when I was in the wrong the reality is that I wouldn’t apologize for it. Not in a relationship setting at least, my reasoning has always been “love means, never having to say sorry”. For obvious reasons this is not the right mindset for a relationship.
3. Compromise is a no go
Sometimes you’re not ready for a relationship because you are still learning about yourself. Maybe you’re just starting a new phase of your study program or maybe you’ve recently graduated and are just starting out in a new job. These are times in our life where we are doing some growing and being in a relationship could possible disrupt your growth. During these periods is logical that you then might feel overwhelmed when the possibility of a romantic interest comes along. You’re exploring where your new path might lead, and you don’t want to make choices that could alter your path which is sometimes necessary when you’re with someone. During these times it’s okay to be selfish and focus on your desires, after all you need to be satisfied with your life and where you’re at before you can be in a healthy relationship.
Basically, if you’re unable to see yourself compromising your current lifestyle, it’s a clear sign that you’re not ready for a relationship and it’s okay because in this phase of your life you might be very busy and for your own sanity it’s fine to hold of on a relationship or take it slow. I’m not saying that if you identify with any of these points you shouldn’t start a relationship, but know your weak points and work on them to make your relationship last. Personally, my biggest hiccup when it comes to a relationship is that I am unwilling to change my schedule/lifestyle to fit someone else in. And until I’m ready to compromise a relationship is a clear no go.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this blogpost are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official views of Phryme Magazine.